Something Strange

I am in a strange pickle and I can't tell if this happened for a reason or not. I have been wanting to go into this tea place for awhile, but never have for some reason. However, tonight I decided I needed to go in there. I met a guy named Micheal who is amazingly cute and we have a ton in common. He agree a lot of the stance of Chi and things of that nature. The thing is, he's part oriental (he doesn't look it, more Italian looking if you ask me). The reason that's an issue, is because my best-friend told me a couple years ago that all Orientals were hers. I was never very attracted to them, so I was like year sure. I feel a very strange pull to this guy though. I don't know why I was supposed to meet him and I talked with him for hours. It was amazing. Was I supposed to meet him for my best-friend? For me? Just to learn about tea? I am so confused. I wish someone could help explain this to me, and why does this all of a sudden happen now when I'm just starting to learn about Wicca and herbs? I could use some guidance!

Water, Herbs and Spells. Oh My!

I am aware that I haven’t posted in a few days. It’s been an interesting past few days. I ordered an herb book, which I found out that I’m drinking nowhere near enough water. Apparently, you’re supposed to drink half your weight in water. Example:

100lbs/2= 50 lbs

Then, you switch the pounds to oz. That would mean you have to drink 50oz of water if you weigh 100lbs.

It seems like a lot, but it’s actually not as bad as it seems. The past couple of days, I’ve made a point to drink the correct amount of water a day and it has been becoming increasingly easier. I don’t really notice I’m drinking that much water. I also officially got my first Mortar and Pestle in the mail today. It’s beautiful and I can’t wait to use it. I’m a little wary about mixing herbs yet. I would like to start with some already existing remedies before I start mixing on my own. There’s so much about it that I don’t know yet.

Alright, now for me getting better at this whole meditation thing. I have honestly been practicing more and more. I still have issues, but it seems to be getting a little better each time. I’m rather excited about that.  I have found that a big issue is not falling asleep or keeping my brain on task. Also, I have issues remembering to meditate. I am getting better at it though.

Now, my adventure to making my book of shadows. I’m not sure if my sister is still going to assist me. She’s kind of in a wigged out mode that everything seems to be making her upset. It makes me worry about her, not because she doesn’t seem interested anymore, but because she seems extremely stressed out. As for the information in my book of shadows, that adventure has been filled with issues. I’m really not that worried about order or anything, but I have a few spells that I was allowed to have from Magickaspace. However, I have no idea for what they are used for. I have a problem with certain spells as well because I severely dislike negative magick. I believe deeply in karma, what comes around goes around and of course, the threefold rule. I have been told many times that using magic for personal gain is bad, which I agree with. I was informed by many books and people, that if you ask for something specific it is negative. However, if you ask for a more broad spectrum thing it is not considered negative.

Example:

I want the job promotion that I have been nominated for. – Negative

Why? Because of the consequences. I may not be equipped enough to handle the job, or the other person might have deserved it more. It is also a very selfish request, the world does not revolve around me and I should not expect it to.

I am asking to please have money brought my way for (insert thing). – Positive

Why? This has fewer consequences. I am not asking to take something from someone else. I am asking for whatever means the universe, the Goddess and God feel is proper for me to get those funds. It will be brought to me if I need it and it will be in a way that will do the least amount of damage.

If anyone has any suggestions for spells that are not negative, whether beginner or advanced (just please tell me which is which), I would greatly appreciate it. I feel as if I am floundering a bit in this area. I’m sure it will get better as I go, but help is always appreciated.

Wicca, Books and Herbs. Let's see what happens!

                I have officially started my path to learning about herbalistic (I don’t know if that’s a real word or not) journey. I am going to be trying to avoid medications if I can. I think part of this push to really want to learn this is not only linked to Wicca, but also because of having been on so much medication for almost two years now. My foot issue, which is almost over, has been forcing me to take medications I can’t wait to get off of. I am excited to say that Monday will most likely be the start of getting off the rest of this stuff.

                Anyways, I purchased my first Mortar and Pestle today.  It is a large marble one. It may only be grey, but it is still quite beautiful looking. I also purchased a herbal remedy book to start teaching me how to make the herbal medications. I would rather drink teas and such instead of taking pills. I ordered a second one, but it won’t be here until the end of June at least. Hopefully it won’t take that long, but what can I do. I think this will be a very exciting journey and I can’t wait to fully embark on it. If anyone has suggestions and such, I would greatly appreciate it. I have to say I’ve very excited for the journey ahead of me for both Wicca and becoming an Herbalist. Here goes nothing! :) 

I do plan to learn the how herbs work in Wicca as well, but I figure I have to start somewhere. 

First Exam

                I have to say I was extremely nervous taking my first test for Beginner’s Tarot.  Well, I am glad to say I got a 92%. I wish I had gotten a 100%, but what can I do. One of the questions I got wrong because I liked house instead of home. I was a little peeved about that one, but again what can I do?

Zoned Out and Writing

What made tonight interesting was the fact that while I was watching TV, I zoned out with word open. As I stared at the TV, with most likely a very strange facial expression, I had apparently written a poem about the Navy coming to tell my mom and I that my little brother had died over seas at war. I don't know where it came from. When I had come back to reality, there it was in word fully written. I did have to do some edits to make it flow better and get rid of double word usage, but as I read it I cried. My chest hurt I cried so much. I'm not really sure what had made me write it or where it come from, but there it was none the less. I will add the poem below. I'm curious if I was tapped into something and that's why I wrote it. Any thoughts on this, would be very much so appreciate it.

I will never forget,

That day,

The day they arrived,

Their dress whites blinding in the sun.

The warm summer air,

Suddenly so very cold,

Leaving it hard to breathe,

 This can’t be happening.

“Mom!”

The voice sounded so strange,

It had been me, but it didn’t sound like me,

It sounded like someone else.

My heart,

Slammed in my chest,

They were closer now,

But still so far away.

“No”,

Mother’s voice breathed,

She was next to me,

When did she get there?

“Misses Jones?”

He was holding something,

“Yes?”

She sounded hoarse.

“I’m very sorry”,

The rest I didn’t hear,

Blood roared through my ears,

No. God no!

My mother was on the ground,

Crumpled like a limp rag doll,

I could see her sobs,

But I couldn’t hear them.

I knew then what had happened,

He was dead,

My little brother,

 He was gone.

I would never,

See his smile again,

Hear his goofy laugh,

Or see his funny dances.

We’ll never have those,

Late night talks,

Those stupid fights,

Or dance like idiots together.

The officer handed her a velvet box,

Inside was a purple heart,

My brother had saved an entire platoon,

He gave his life for them.

The excruciating  pain,

My heart was slowly being crushed,

I was dying,

The pain was unbearable.

I watched as the officers retreated,

Back to the black car,

The other had yelled back,

“He was my best friend”.

He was my best friend too,

My mind responded,

He was my best friend too,

And now he’s never coming back home.

All of a sudden,

It was pitch black outside,

Where had the time gone?

Mom and I died a little that day.

He was like a big brother,

Always there for me,

Now he’s gone,

It should have been me.

Three Days Later and Not Much to Show

I haven't been doing much reading/research/homework. Friday was an interesting experience. I was watching two young girls, who my mom used to watch, for the entire day. What made this situation interesting, was the fact that there girls come from a very Christian family. Every time one of the parents were there, I had to cover my necklace because something in my gut told me to. Then, the girls asked my about my pile of books about Wicca that I had. I unfortunately had to lie to them, telling them that the books were for a college class of mine. I knew they would say something to their parents, so I figured that this would be the safer approach. I feel bad that I had to lie, but I want to learn more about Wicca before I even attempt to really tell anyone about it. My mom knows, but she is open to it and interested in my journey. She is a Third Degree Reiki Practitioner. She practices on me, which is really nice especially since I've been trying to heal from a surgery for at least a year and a  half now.
Today I did do some more reading and notes to finish up my Tarot lesson. I have a test at the end of this week. I'm a little nervous, but I think I'll do alright. The one I'm more concerned with is the Wicca Revealed class. I have been working on my Book of Shadows, the notebook one, and I've been trying to find the proper leather to use to make my book. It's been an interesting process.
I have to say, I'm not very good at the whole recording what is going on. This is supposed to be my Book of Mirrors. I really need to get better at this.

Strange Things You Don't See Coming

                I am aware that I haven’t posted in awhile. It’s been a very strange past couple of days. Let’s go back to Tuesday. If my bird hadn’t driven me crazy to the point where I decided to go outside to read in the beautiful spring air, I probably would have missed this. As I was outside reading, I noticed a squirrel had climbed down onto out metal bird-feeder. It was interesting watching him eat from the bird feeder. He was upside down, shoving his little paws inside the little holes and pulling out seeds. He then proceeded to consume them. What made this whole situation so bizarre and amusing, was what happened when he would get tired. He went down to the bottom of the bird-feeder, which was hanging from a tree, and hung right off the bottom by his bottom paws. He threw his arms up above his head, towards the ground, and just hung there like a limp rag-doll. I sat there was watched this squirrel for quite awhile, laughing at his adorable antics.

                Then later one, after my mom and I had finished dinner, she came out asking me if her sweatpants looked on her. I responded that they looked perfectly fine and asked why. She said because she wanted to make sure when we went to Rita’s Italian Ice, that she didn’t look strange.  I was like; we’re going to Rita’s? She responded yes and I was like, um ok. I figured at the very least I could get out of the house. When we got there, I vaguely noted to myself that there was a female walking down the street, and I was wondering where she was head. Anyways, someone parked so close to us that there was no way I was going to be able to get out of the car even if I didn’t have crutches. My mom, frustrated, waited for someone to leave a spot closer to the building and then proceeded to pull into that one. If we hadn’t done that, I’m not sure if what happened next would have actually happened if we hadn’t. The woman that I had mentally noted earlier stopped us asking where a certain restaurant was, which I had been right where I originally thought it was but she had the address wrong so I assumed I was wrong. She was from Maine and she was down in our area because she was visiting her daughter, who had borrowed her car to take to work. This woman was planning on walking to this restaurant. My mom and I proceeded to help her find out where it was, the young couple who we asked looked at us like we were crazy. However, my mom asked another gentleman who told my mom where it was. The funny thing was, she had asked two older women who told her where it was too. The only thing was she had no idea what they were talking about.  My mom and I tried to tell her it was a crazy walk and we would take her there. After a little persuading that it was fine, we didn’t mind dropping her off at all. We proceeded to take her to the restaurant, which was about a 15-20 minute drive on very large roads. The conversation we had was amazing. We talked about cell reproduction, illness, herbs, and so many other things. It’s was just completely mind-blowing. The very very strange thing that happened though was when she was talking to my mom and I had zoned out some. I turned to look at her and I swear I saw a Native American sitting in the front passenger seat. I blinked, and she was back. The interesting thing was that she did have dark hair, but she was very white. We dropped her off and watched her walk into the building before we left, we always wait to make sure the person get’s in safe. When my mom and I started to talk about the situation, she mentioned that she had glanced over and saw a male Native American sitting next to her at one point.  I was floored, I couldn’t believe we had both seen that. It was amazing! I asked her why she had wanted to go to Rita’s tonight, because she hadn’t asked me to go. She just sort of said we’re going. She said that something popped into her head saying “Go to Rita’s!” She had responded back to it that she was full and that she didn’t need it. The thought proceeded to yell into her head to go to Rita’s, so we went. I still feel the strange high that the situation and created when I think about it. I wish I understood why it happened.

                Some other strange things, the HUGE animal that looked exactly like a squirrel that was on a leash and was being taken for a walk. We also saw three gigantic beavers. They were bigger than my 20 plus pound cat. It was the strangest thing. The boy that come to my house, who I’ve known for years and consider a little brother, had not talked to his mom about turning in his project late. I had asked her on the phone what had been decided to try to make sure it didn’t happen again and she started yelling at me about how furious she was with her 8 year old son for forgetting his project. The thing is, his father woke him up about 30 minutes before the bus was supposed to be there so he was running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Anyways, she asked him today what he got on his project (I had just asked him before she got there, what had happened last night in regards to the project. He had said nothing. Apparently his mom hadn’t mentioned it). When he told her that he got an A, a nine out of ten, she was proud of him but then asked why he got a nine. The thing was, I had told her all of this yesterday.  He told her that he had turned it in late and she asked why. She started babbling trying to explain why. She then sort of shrugged it off with an ok. If I hadn’t been sitting, I would have fallen over. I couldn’t believe it, especially after how she had lit into me the other day.

                I also worked on some of my meditations again and feeling power. I didn’t do very well, which I was a little upset about, but practice makes perfect right? Considering everything that has happened in the past couple of days, I think I’ve done pretty well. I know I probably haven’t been practicing enough, but I have been experiencing Magic just not in the way that I was told to practice. That’s life though, usually things don’t work the way you want them too. It just does it another way. I can’t wait to experience more.

Tarot, Meditation and Books

                Today a few interesting things happened. The first one, which I’m really excited about what I looked in a Book of Shadows. I started my research into getting one, a very nice one. I came across this amazing website called Witches Moon that makes AMAZING leather books. I was going to save up to buy one, which is still a possibility. However, I remembered that my sister can make books. Which is when I decided that the Book of Shadows would be more meaningful if I made it myself, so that is what I’ll be doing with my sisters help of course. Like I said though, there is still a possibility I will buy one depending on how much it comes to when I make it myself. We shall see.

                The other interesting thing that happened today, besides learning more about Tarot for my class, was that I attempted my second meditation. The first one I tried was on Saturday, except it fizzled out of me. I tried very hard to imagine the darkest black possible, but everywhere was green. When I would try to spread the little area that was super black, it would just rubber band backwards on me. That was extremely frustrating. My second attempt today, went much better. It was weird trying to focus on my breathing so much, so I found it hard to even try to meditate the way that was suggested. I did however, manage to do it. It may not have been very good, but I am proud that I was actually able to do a meditation. I used to fall asleep or not be able to focus for more than a minute of two.  I have only had my hands heat up once when I was grounding myself months ago, but with my meditation they did it again. All in all, I think I did pretty well. I will be trying another meditation type tomorrow.

                This gives me something to look forward to everyday. I don’t know if it is hard for me to meditate because of all of my medications that I am on, but I am determined to learn Wicca. I know deep down this is where I’m supposed to be. I just have to work at it, which I was aware of in the first place. I can’t wait to see where this takes me.